My last post was September 18. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. Where to begin?
September 2010 was a roller coaster ride to say the least. Happy news = baby. Sad news = Huzb lost his job. Perfect timing, huh? We were down in the dumps, but the baby brought us such excitement.
We had our first visit to the doctor on September 17. All of my doctor fears and especially vag docs were thrown out the window. This was the first exciting visit to the doctor of my life.
The most amazing thing I had ever seen was this little, fast flickering of a heartbeat. It was magical. I didn't even faint like usual when they drew a few gallons of blood from me. All I could think about was this life inside of me.
Everything looked great. I just knew the doctor would find something wrong with me, but surprisingly I was healthy and baby was healthy.
I quit smoking as soon as Mr. Clearblue Easy told me I was pregnant. I gave up my caffeine. I swallowed my daily horse pills. I went off Ativan and onto a pregnancy-safe anxiety med before we conceived. Sacrifice after sacrifice.
And nothing mattered. Except for this little bean growing inside of me.
When they told us they were going to do an ultrasound, we were pumped. We couldn't wait to see our little bean again. Huzb said he wanted to buy an ultrasound machine just so he could see our little bean whenever he wanted.
The lights dimmed.
The magic television was turned on.
There was baby.
Baby was bigger.
Where's my little flicker?
Doctor's face was worried.
Huzb's face was confused.
Back and forth. Back and forth.
The doctor finally spoke.
"I'm so sorry. I can't find a heartbeat. I am so sorry."